Boyfriend to the Rescue
by w.hope
Summary: Colonnello and Tsuna are happily together, until Tsuna looses his memories, forgetting him. It's up to Colonnello then to steal him from the Vongola Mansion before any of his many suitors gets any funny ideas. Hijinks ensue. / Crack fic. TYL Verse. Adult Arcobaleno. One sided All27. One-Shot.


**Warning : Colorful language.**

**Warning** : **English isn't my first language.**

**Warning : No beta.**

* * *

Colonnello and Tsuna are standing side by side, all but glued to each other, holding each other by the waist. They're both grinning happily at the camera.

Behind them, entirely too close for comfort, stand Tsuna's Guardians and the World's Greatest Hitman. Colonnello remember clearly the weight of their glares in his back, how their flames were an inch away to murder him. He remembers how it just made him smile all the more. Jealousy is such an entertaining thing to witness after all when you're not concerned by it.

It's Colonnello's favorite picture of Tsuna and him. He makes sure at each of his visits that it's once more on Tsuna's bedside table and on his desk's office and just about everywhere in the mansion.

* * *

The Vongola's mansion doesn't ever go through a day without some chaotic events taking place. Tsuna is usually the one who has to suffer the consequences, and by usually he means always. This time he wakes up suffering from a memory loss.

Colonnello knows what it means. _Knows_ all these bastards are going to take advantage of it, to try to stole Tsuna from him.

Yeah, no, that's not happening.

Tsuna's virtue is _his_.

(Not like it isn't his already, and isn't the day Colonnello broke the news to the others just _memorable_.)

* * *

He shows up all guns blazing with a few helicopters raining fire down on the mansion, foot soldiers raiding the building. His parachute jump lands him through a second storey window, in one of the rest room of the mansion's medical bay, right where he wanted.

Tsuna is standing there looking startled, the Tenth Cavallone Boss' arm around his shoulders, a.k.a Bucking Horse Dino, a.k.a Tsuna's self-proclaimed older brother.

Yeah, _right_. No romantic or sexual feelings involved here at all. Not at all.

Colonnello takes aim, staring him down. Dino stares right back, tucking Tsuna closer to him. This bitch. He never liked him. Too close to Tsuna's type of guys for his liking. And it doesn't help that he knows it almost happened at some point.

He lowers his gun to the other's dick, a wicked smile on his face. Tsuna gasps in horror. Dino doesn't back down, only smirking at him.

"Go ahead," he taunts. "It's bulletproof."

Tsuna gasps again, this time in awe.

Damn. Of course it is. He wants to shoot at it even more.

"Your head will have to do then. Hand him over."

The exchange unfolds smoothly. Colonnello grins and winks at his boyfriend, pleased to see him blush in response, before redirecting his attention on the Cavallone Boss. He stares him up and down once, twice, thrice.

Dino takes it as his clue and starts posing for them. He's fluttering his eyelashes, flipping his hair, showing himself under all angles.

Colonnello isn't interested.

"I'm much more handsome," he decides at last. "You have nothing on me."

He_ hasn't_, but still...

"A bulletproof dick," Tsuna sighs, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

Dino is sprawled very suggestively on the bed, eyebrows wiggling at them.

_A bulletproof dick_, Colonnello's mind tempts him. Wait, no, it doesn't. Colonnello isn't interested, he is _not_.

Whatever.

They have to go to the roof.

* * *

The windows shatters from the outside a few feet in front of them, and here is Ryohei jumping on his feet to block their way. They're on the third floor but nothing is surprising anymore so far down the line.

It's a Reborn's move if he ever saw one, shoving his previous lover at him like that. And what a fine looking previous lover he is, damn himself and his excellent tastes.

Colonnello should ask for a grenade launcher to be sent their way and dodge the confrontation. He just ends up ordering his men to invest themselves more in their tasks, the screams of agony not so loud anymore.

His arm stays securely around Tsuna's waist. Ryohei tries to combust it spontaneously with his stare alone.

"Master Colonnello," he bellows true to himself, "I'm here to extremely stop you !"

_Fuck_, Colonnello thinks when his former student starts walking towards them, rolling his hips. **_Fuck_**, he thinks again when he turns on himself, flashing his perfect ass, not like Colonnello is watching or something.

Yeah they had a good time but he's over it now. There's no way he's gonna be seduced to surrender. He's just gonna walk right past him, using force if necessary and —

Ryohei throws his jacket to the side, and out of nowhere there's now music blasting in the hallway.

Oh no.

"Striptease to the extreme !"

_Oh no._

"Striptease ?" Tsuna perks up, eagerness clear in his voice.

Colonnello keeps his eyes on Ryhoei but only because it's stupid to look away from an opponent. It has nothing to do with how he moves his body sensually up and down, or how he bends forward, back to him, shaking his ass tauntingly. In between blinks the shirt was thrown away too, perfectly well-shaped abs now in plain view for all to see.

_Better_, he thinks — **_not !_** _Better not_, he thinks. Worse, even. It's just some abs anyway, who cares right ?

Tsuna, apparently, who's making appreciative noises while clapping in rhythm. And who the hell is showering Ryohei with money ?

Oh wait it's him.

Fucking Reborn.

So Colonnello is getting dangerously distracted. They have to move ASAP or — _holy shit_ is Ryohei unbuckling his belt ?

Colonnello promptly throws him out the window. Tsuna looks disappointed. No, he can't relate one bit.

_Fucking Reborn._

* * *

The roof at last. Their helicopter should be there in no time to get them far away from Vongola territory. Bovino and Hibari burst through the door.

Bovino is aiming a bazooka at them but it's the pink one. _It's the goddamn **pink** one._ So of course Vongola Bad Luck strikes them.

When the pink smoke dissipate, Ten-Years-Younger Bovino is now facing them. And right beside him, a female Hibari stands in all her glory.

They blink at each other for a long uncomfortable moment.

Female Hibari is hot, he notices because he isn't blind. It's in moment like this he's glad he swings both ways.

Female Hibari looks pissed too. The kid doesn't know what hits him. _Literally_.

The kick sends him flying high in the air, his scream lost in the ambient noises. He's still up there when Female Hibari head shots him with his light beam, send from… her hand, which is fuming now, because why the fuck not. Colonnello doesn't even blink when she uses both of her hands to propel herself in the air with her light beams, to obviously finish the poor lad off.

He watches them through his binoculars fly towards others skies.

Uh.

What is there even to say ?

"A cyborg," Tsuna whispers, eyes wide in wonder. "So cool."

_One which doesn't shy away from murdering children_, Colonnello thinks. But death will come for all of them eventually anyway.

* * *

They're floating away on the ocean, sprawled on top of their pyramid made of tires, the sun shining down at them.

"So, who are you again ?" Tsuna asks, lying on top of his chest.

"Your amazing lover babe."

Tsuna's head shots up to look at him. He takes in his face for a long moment in silence before lying down again.

"Damn I'm good."

Colonnello laughs, happy. The mission was a success. Who will find them there ?

The sound of a plane coming their way makes him bolts upright and they both almost fall down in the water. Binoculars on, it's easy to spot Reborn at the controls of the plane. Reborn who smirks devilishly at him. Reborn who launches a missile straight at them.

Well shit.

Fucking Reborn.

What a jealous _bitch_.

* * *

Colonnello is questioning all his life choices, sharing a miraculously intact tire with Tsuna to stay afloat. Above their heads Reborn is flying in circle waiting for the smoke to clear.

Is Tsuna's ass really worth all this shit ? Is it _really _?

"Colonnello ?" Brown eyes blinks at him in confusion then recognition. They don't look too pleased after taking in their surrounding. "Colonnello what the _fuck_ ? Is it Reborn in the plane ? Of course it is, why am i even asking." Not-so-brown-anymore-but-orange-now eyes are glaring at him, promising nothing good. "Oh, I'm so going to castrate each and everyone of you with a _spoon_, I swear to fucking god."

Oh right. Of course it is.

There's a silence during which Tsuna is pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed — well, until they flew open in horror in any case.

"Hibari killed Lambo," he almost chokes on the words. "Oh god, Lambo is _dead_, Colonnello what —"

He looks like the words were punched out off of him. Brown eyes widen in a mixture of more horror, disbelief and a bit of wonder.

"Oh fuck," Tsuna whispers. "_Oh_ _fuck_, Colonnello." A febrile hand finds his, squeezing it for support. His voice sounds terrified. "Hibari had **_boobs_**."

Colonnello bursts out laughing.

Oh yes. It's _definitely_ worth it.

* * *

**A.N : I dreamt of this. Like yesterday, each and everyone of these scenes. I honest to god dreamt of this.** **And there it is, because i found it funny enough to share and because no one was there to stop me.**

**Also it's the very first fanfiction I'm publishing and you know what ? I'm not sorry about it.**

**I h****ope you liked it. Any and all review are appreciated**. **Thank you for reading** !

**\- w.h**


End file.
